Inner Peace in the Meat Department

Step 1: Find Your Meat

Step 2: Tenderize Your Emotions

Step 3: Season with Mindfulness

Step 4: Wrap Your Head Around the Concept of Mortality

Step 5: Baste in Self-Awareness

Step 6: Sear to Perfection (Or, you know, just eat a really good meal)

Extra Crispy Tips and Tricks

Note: The "extra crispy" link leads to a satirical page filled with ridiculous tips, such as "Baste your thoughts with an 8-hour marathon of cat videos," and "Don't forget to season with an existential crisis or two."