The first step in the Coffee Consumption Guidelines is to acquire the finest, most potent coffee known to mankind. This is not a task for the faint of heart.
We recommend a dark roast, preferably from a small, artisanal coffee farm that has been certified by the International Association of Coffee Snobs.
This is not a step to be taken lightly, folks. The fate of the world may depend on it.
Go to Step 2: Prepare the Coffee
Go to Section 2: The Rituals of Preparation
Go to Section 3: The Consequences of Not Following These Guidelines