Programmed Silence and Zen

Now that we've mastered the art of saying nothing, it's time to move on to the next level: programmed silence and zen.

Here's a step-by-step guide to achieving the perfect balance of calm and quiet:

1. Step 1: Find a comfortable position, preferably on a couch or a bean bag chair.
2. Step 2: Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Continue to Step 3
3. Step 3: Visualize a peaceful landscape. It could be a serene lake, a quiet forest, or a bustling city. The choice is yours.
4. Step 4: Focus on the sound of your own breathing. Try to ignore the sound of your stomach growling.
5. Step 5: Meditate on the futility of human existence. Wonder if it's all just a meaningless cycle of birth, death, and taxes.

And that's it! You're now a master of programmed silence and zen. Go forth and confuse your friends and family with your newfound calm.