Article 1: Mandatory Attendance to Meetings is Required

By attending meetings, you agree to be present in a room full of people you don't know, listening to someone talk about things you could have read in an email.

Failure to attend will result in your manager's email inbox being filled with passive-aggressive responses.

Article 2: Silence is Not Optional, But Also Not Mandatory

You are required to speak up, but only if you have something "constructive" to say, which is code for "we won't let you talk if you're not being positive and boring."

Article 3: You Are Not a Robot, But You're Probably Acting Like One

By attending meetings, you are expected to be fully engaged, fully attentive, and fully pretending to care about the topic at hand, even if you're secretly checking your phone for cat videos.

Failure to do so will result in your being labeled "disengaged" and your manager will wonder if you're a robot.