We, the citizens of Utopia, do ordain and establish this constitution as a framework for the perfect society.
Section 1: The Right to Be Happy
Article 1.1: Every citizen has the inalienable right to wake up feeling like a fluffy kitten.
Article 1.2: Every citizen is entitled to a minimum of three free hugs from a licensed professional cuddler every week.
Section 3.1: Every citizen shall have access to an endless supply of artisanal, small-batch, organic, gluten-free granola.
Section 3.2: Every citizen shall have access to a minimum of 5 liters of free, cold-pressed, locally-sourced water per day.
Section 5.1: Every citizen shall have access to a free, world-class, online course in their field of interest.
Section 5.2: Every citizen shall have access to a team of personal tutors who will whisper sweet nothings in their ear until they achieve enlightenment.
Section 6.1: Every citizen shall have access to a team of highly trained, robotic masseuses.
Section 6.2: Every citizen shall have access to a minimum of 10 hours of free, virtual reality therapy per week.