MEETINGS: ACTION PLAN 9000

Objective: Save Humanity from Certain Doom

By now, it's clear that our world is on the brink of collapse. The coffee machine in the break room has stopped working, the microwave is on the fritz, and the stapler is still stapling. In light of this dire situation, we've devised the MEETINGS: ACTION PLAN 9000. Our comprehensive, 37-point plan will guide the company through this trying time and ensure our collective survival.

• Point 1: Assign a meeting leader who will lead by example (and by yelling)
• Point 2: Establish a 3-day workweek to accommodate the impending apocalypse
• Point 3: Implement a new policy: "No meetings on Fridays, unless it's an emergency meeting on Friday"
• Point 4: Create a " Meeting Bingo" system, where attendees must answer a series of absurd questions to earn points
• Point 5: Rename all meeting rooms to "The Pit of Despair" and "The Never-Ending Cycle of Meetings"
• Point 6: Hire a team of highly trained, ninja-esque facilitators to ensure meetings are never boring
• Point 7: Introduce a new language where "synergy" means "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'll nod and pretend"
• Point 8: Create a "Meeting Jar" where employees can submit their ideas, and the worst idea gets a prize
• Point 9: Establish a mandatory meeting attendance policy for all non-essential meetings
• Point 10: Create a time-traveling DeLorean for the most essential meetings, so they can be attended from anywhere in time and space

By following the MEETINGS: ACTION PLAN 9000, we're confident that humanity will survive this existential threat and become the most productive, yet miserable, species the world has ever known!

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