John the Accidental Genius, the man with a mind full of wonder, a heart full of curiosity, and a desk full of half-eaten Cheetos. His secret projects are the stuff of legend, or at least the stuff of whispered conversations around the water cooler.

Here are some of his most infamous secret projects:

Note: The following projects are highly classified, but we've managed to get our hands on some confidential documents. Please be aware that viewing these documents may cause irreparable damage to your sanity.

Project Eclipse the Stars: A plan to harness the power of the sun and moon in order to create a perpetual energy source. Top Secret documents reveal that it involves harnessing the energy of a thousand suns and the gravitational pull of a million moons.

Project Invent a Sport: A revolutionary new sport that combines elements of basketball, soccer, and extreme ironing. Classified memos indicate that it involves a lot of running around and setting things on fire.

Project Make a Burrito: A machine that can assemble a burrito faster than you can say 'burrito'. Ultra-Top Secret documents hint at a complex system involving conveyor belts and a love of cheese.

Don't believe everything you read. Or do. Read more about John's secret projects