Why bother with actual human interaction?
We're a group of highly trained, highly caffeinated professionals who have been conditioned to believe that meetings are the only way to get things done.
We're like the Borg, but without the hive mind or any sense of individuality.
We're a bunch of pseudo-intellectuals trying to sound smart while actually accomplishing nothing.
Like, have you ever stopped to think about the meaninglessness of meetings?
No, we thought not.
We will not be held accountable for the time we waste.
We will not be judged for our lack of productivity.
We will not be held responsible for the existential dread we induce.
We're here for you, even if we don't actually care.
Join us for our bi-weekly meetings (of course, we have bi-weekly meetings).
We'll just sit in silence, staring at each other, until someone mentions the weather.