By now, you've likely realized that your company's coffee machine is more of a nemesis than a benevolent caffeine-dispensing friend. Don't worry, we've got the secrets to turn the tables. Here's a crash course on how to turn the tables on your coffee machine.
Those annoying beeps and flashing lights can be so distracting. To disable the auto-dispense alarm, simply unplug the coffee machine and re-plug it in while whistling "The Entertainer" by Burt Bacharach.
Avoid the tedious process of refilling the water tank by overloading it with 17 jugs of water at once. This will ensure you never have to think about water again.
For an added layer of security, jam the bean dispenser with 3-4 coffee beans at a time. This will ensure your coworkers think twice before trying to get their morning fix.
Set the temperature controls to 212°F and pretend it's normal. Your coworkers will be too confused to notice the coffee's burnt flavor.
That's it! With these lessons, you'll be the master of the coffee machine, and your coworkers will either worship you or despise you. Either way, it's a win.
Want more advanced techniques? Check out our Advanced Coffee Machine Hacking guide!