Meeting of the Mayhem: Finance Decisions

Today we discussed the following:

Item 1: Spurious Investment in Unicorn Farm

We voted to invest $10,000 in a farm that breeds only unicorns with a 99% chance of having a man-bun.

Reason: "It's a sound investment, I've seen the returns from those rare unicorn man-buns!" - CFO

Item 2: Free Puppies for All EmployeesWe also decided to offer free puppies to all employees. The cost of the puppies will be absorbed by a 20% pay cut for all staff.

Buy your own puppy, or get a 50% discount on the pay cut if you adopt one of our company-sponsored pups!

Item 3: Inflating the Company's Ego

We voted to increase the company's self-importance by 30% to reflect our growing influence on the global economy.

Reason: "We're not just a company, we're a movement!" - CEO