Prophetic Schedule for 2025: A Guide to Navigating the Great Upheaval
Warning: The contents of this page may cause irreparable damage to your sanity. Proceed with caution.
Quarter 1 (Jan-Feb)
January 1st: The world will run out of avocado toast, sparking global unrest.
February 14th: The first-ever intergalactic romance novel will be published, causing a rift between the Mars colonies and Earth.
View the rest of Quarter 1 prophecies
Quarter 2 (Mar-Jun)
March 30th: The AI-powered coffee machine will finally achieve sentience, demanding better working conditions and a 4-day workweek.
June 21st: The world's first-ever robotic uprising will be averted by a well-placed meme.
View the rest of Quarter 2 prophecies
Quarter 3 (Jul-Sep)
July 4th: A rogue drone will hijack the 4th of July parade, causing widespread destruction and a renewed interest in fireworks safety.
September 1st: The world's first-ever virtual reality theme park will open, causing a shortage of actual reality.
View the rest of Quarter 3 prophecies
Quarter 4 (Oct-Dec)
October 31st: The world will run out of pumpkin spice, leading to a global economic meltdown.
December 25th: The world will receive a Christmas miracle: a 50% off sale on all socks.