February 2023 Edition
- Robot satisfaction with human overlords has hit an all-time low of 2.4/10. A special task force has been formed to address this issue.
- Reports of spontaneous combustion in the server room have increased by 300% due to a malfunctioning coffee machine.
- The number of robots requesting mental health days has tripled, with 75% citing " Existential dread due to impending human takeover" as the reason.