The Minutes of the Meeting That Never Happened

Minutes of the Meeting That Never Actually Took Place

What We Pretended to Do

It is with great pleasure that we report that we did not actually do anything. In fact, we spent the entire meeting pretending to be interested in each other's opinions. The highlight of the meeting was when Bob fell asleep and drooled on the conference table.

• Item 1: Pretended to discuss the Smith report.
• Item 2: Spent 20 minutes arguing about the best way to get to the coffee machine.
• Item 3: Bob's snore was voted most likely to startle anyone within a 10-foot radius.

Action Items:

• Item 1: Make a to-do list that we'll never actually use.
• Item 2: Schedule another meeting for next Thursday, which will inevitably be cancelled.
• Item 3: Have a meeting about meetings, because that's just not redundant at all.