Phantom Agenda Gods of the Month: July

The Unofficial Guide to Unproductive Time Management

Welcome to the Phantom Agenda Gods of the Month series, where we celebrate the most creative and utterly unnecessary ways to waste time at your meetings.

Each month, we highlight a new Phantom Agenda God, a mythical deity worshipped by those who value meetings over, you know, actual work.

Phantom Agenda God of the Month (July)

Phantom Agenda God of June

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Phantom Agenda God of the Month: July

The Unyielding Lord of Unending Reports and Presentations

Behold, the Phantom Agenda God of July: The Unyielding Lord of Unending Reports and Presentations. This god is worshipped by those who delight in crafting 500-page PowerPoint slides and 5-hour conference calls.

Worshipping Techniques:

• Conducting bi-annual reviews of quarterly reviews.
• Reorganizing the org chart for the fifth time this month.
• Creating 20-page spreadsheets to track the 5 metrics that don't matter.

More Unholy Writings

More Unholy Writings

Unnecessary Meeting Etiquette for the Unyielding Lord

To truly become one with the Unyielding Lord, you must master the art of meaningless meeting speak:

• Use buzzwords like "synergy" and "disrupt."
• Avoid direct eye contact.
• Speak in a monotone, devoid of inflection.

Known Meeting Gods

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More Meeting-Related Content

For those who cannot get enough of our meeting-themed content:

Meeting Prophets of Old

Meeting Gods of the Ancients

Meeting Prophets of Old

Time Management Tips for the Ages

In the days of yore, meeting prophis were revered for their wisdom in managing meetings.

• Conducting meetings in ancient Sumeria.
• Casting lots to determine agenda items.
• Talking in a language that only the gods understand.

More Ancient Meeting Techniques

Meeting Gods of the Ancients

Mythical Creatures of Meeting Lore

Legend has it that meeting gods roamed the earth in days of yore, guiding mortals in the art of meeting management.

• The Meeting Oracle of Delphi.
• The Lord of the PowerPoint.
• The Goddess of Endless Email Threads.

More Ancients