We, the undersigned, hereby declare that the right to hold a meeting shall not be infringed. No matter how much time we have, we reserve the right to spend it in a conference room, discussing the obvious, and wondering why we're not doing anything else instead.
Article 2: The Freedom of Unnecessary Details
We, the undersigned, assert that the freedom to bore others with unnecessary details shall be protected. We shall not be limited by the constraints of time or sanity, and our meeting facilitators shall not be allowed to intervene, lest they risk our wrath and a sternly-worded email.
Article 3: The Right to Call in Sick, and Not Actually Be Sick
We, the undersigned, claim the right to call in sick, without actually being sick. For we know that a well-timed "not feeling well" excuse is the lifeblood of any good meeting.
Article 4: The Freedom to Repeat Oneself
We, the undersigned, demand the freedom to repeat ourselves, ad nauseam, lest anyone not be paying attention, and we must, therefore, restate the obvious, for the sake of clarity, and to waste more time.
Article 5: The Right to Be Confused
We, the undersigned, assert the right to be confused, and to confuse others. For in the words of the great meeting philosopher, "If you can't confuse 'em, you're not doing it right."
Article 6: The Right to Have a "Quick" Meeting
We, the undersigned, demand the right to have a meeting that's as long as humanly possible prophets of productivity. For we know that the more time we waste, the more weประก
Read Chapter 7: The Right to Use a Meeting to Decide What We're Gonna Do Later Read Chapter 8: The Right to Use the F-word (Futilety)