According to the most reliable sources, including our team of expert doomsday seers, the apocalypse is nigh. Like, literally 45 minutes nigh.
We've got the forecast for you, straight from the crystal ball of doom:
Probability of Nuclear Meltdown: 97%
Estimated Time of Impact: -45 minutes
Projected Area of Effect: Entire City
Recommended Evacuation Route: None (you're doomed)
But wait, it gets worse! Our team of expert doomsday seers have detected a few anomalies in the forecast:
We're not saying it's going to happen, but... you know.
Stay tuned for more updates, or don't. We're all going to die soon.
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