By the powers vested in us, the Prophets of the Apocalypse have foreseen that 2024 will be a year of great calamity. The oceans will rise, the skies will burn, and the coffee will be too expensive. But fear not, for we have prepared for you a list of the top 10 things to expect in 2024:
As the polar ice caps continue to melt, the seas will rise, and coastal cities will be swallowed by the waves. But fear not, for we have prepared for you a special edition of "Survival Subsidence" kits, complete with flippers and a complimentary copy of "The Art of Drowning" by Stephen King.
As the sun sets on 2024, the world will be consumed by a great fire that will leave nothing but ash and despair in its wake. But don't worry, we have prepared for you a special edition of "The Art of Firefighting" by a local arsonist. It's not like you'll need it, but just in case.
As the rains come pouring down, the streets will be flooded, and the world as we know it will be washed away. But don't worry, we have prepared for you a special edition of "The Art of Floating" by a local aquatic expert. Just remember, it's not just about the water, it's about the art.
As the rains stop coming, the world will be parched, and the crops will wither away. But don't worry, we have prepared for you a special edition of "The Art of Water Conservation" by a local water expert. Just remember, every drop counts, and so will you.
2024 Winter of Woe | 2024 Spring of Sacrifice | 2024 Summer of Suffering | 2024 Autumn of Anticipation