Eternal Recession Survival Tips

Welcome, Prophets of the Apocalypse! As the economy crumbles and the end times approach, we know you're wondering: how will we make it through the next week, let alone the next century?

• Tip 1: Stock up on canned beans. Not just any beans, mind you – we're talking heirloom, artisanal, organic beans.
• Tip 2: Learn to identify edible plants. You know, the ones that grow in the cracks on the sidewalk.
• Tip 3: Invest in a good water filter. You don't want to be stuck with a case of the dreaded "Tap Water-Induced Diarrhea."

And that's just for starters. Stay tuned for our next post: "Prophetical Tips for Building an Underground Bunker on a Shoestring Budget!"