FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - OR NOT, WE'RE NOT REALLY SURE
Yesterday, in a shocking turn of events, our company's Caffeine Enforcement team was forced to shut down the office coffee machine due to excessive use of the company's finest brew.
"We're not just a company, we're a community," said CEO, Jane Smith. "And this community needs a serious caffeine intervention."
A team of highly trained Caffeine Enforcement Agents (CEAs) was dispatched to the scene, where they found employees engaged in a heated game of 'Caffeine Poker' using stolen coffee cups and a calculator.
When asked for comment, the CEAs stated, "We're just trying to get the office back to a state of productivity, one cup of decaf at a time."
As of press time, the office is still recovering from the Great Caffeine Heist. A full investigation has been launched and several employees are still missing (presumably on a coffee-fueled bender).
For more information, please contact our Caffeine Enforcement Press Liaison at /meetings/redundant-meetings/mtg-4/press-release/presser for a press conference.
Meet the CEAs