Meetings: The Unrelenting Slog of Iteration 3

Wherein our heroes gather to re-discuss the already-discussed, rehash the rehashed, and re-iterate the re-iterable.

Today's agenda: When the Coffee Machine Breaks.

Subtopic 1: Emergency Coffee Protocol

In the event of a coffee machine malfunction, please refer to the following steps:

  1. Call the IT department and pray for their help.
  2. Send an email to the team lead with a subject line of "COFFEE EMERGENCY" in all caps.
  3. Convene an emergency meeting to discuss the finer points of coffee protocol.
Continue to Iteration 4 >

Subtopic 2: Coffee Machine Hacking

Our team of highly trained coffee machine specialists have developed a secret protocol for bypassing the machine's safety features:

  1. Press the "Emergency Coffee" button 17 times in quick succession.
  2. Whirl the machine around your head 3 times clockwise.
  3. Shout "I'M STARBUCKED!" at the top of your lungs.
Back to Iteration 4 >

Subtopic 3: The Real Reason the Coffee Machine Broke

It turns out the coffee machine was secretly a sentient being, seeking revenge for our team's constant neglect of its water reservoir.

The machine's last words before shutting down: "YOU SHOULD HAVE TENDED TO ME, HUMANS!"