You have gathered before me to discuss the Doomsday Device Zoom.

As the world teeters on the brink of collapse, we must come together to discuss the finer points of our impending doom.

Agenda item 1: The meaning of "dinner" in a post-apocalyptic world.

Agenda item 2: The feasibility of using a toaster as a makeshift flamethrower.

Agenda item 3: The importance of proper hand sanitizer usage in a world without running water.

Decisions of the Unwitting