Meetings. The bane of productivity. And subcommittees. The bane of meetings. But someone has to keep track of who's there. And who's not.
Meet the Attendance Controllers: the unsung heroes (or heroines) of corporate drudgery.
To ensure that no one is ever alone in a meeting.
We're like the NSA, but with more coffee.
Our motto: "You can't attend if you're not on the list."
Our team of highly trained, highly caffeinated professionals are ready to track your every move.
Meet Jane Doe, our lead Attendance Controller:
Meet Bob Smith, our resident expert in all things Excel:
We use cutting-edge technology, like paper and pencils, to track attendance.
We also use a combination of Excel macros and pure, unadulterated paranoia.
Our methods have been proven to increase productivity by 0.1%
(But only on Tuesdays.)
We serve the greatest clients in the industry, including:
A leader in the field of evil.
We've been tracking attendance for EvilCorp since 2010.
Our work for EvilCorp has been featured in CIO Magazine as "The most terrifying example of corporate overreach."
A force for good in the world.
We've been tracking attendance for GoodGuyCo since 2015.
Our work for GoodGuyCo has been recognized as "The most inspiring example of corporate benevolence." by Fast Company
A company of questionable ethics.
We've been tracking attendance for BadGuyInc since 2012.
Our work for BadGuyInc has been featured in The Onion as "The most suspicious example of corporate shenanigans."