The Crisis

It's 35 and you've accomplished nothing.

You're still living in your parents' basement.

You've been eating Cheetos for breakfast.

What have you done with your life?

Is this what you call "having it all"?

The Denial

No, no, no, no, no, it's just a midlife crisis.

You're just being "selectively employed."

You're just taking a break from adulting.

It's just a phase, it's just a phase, it's just a phase...

You're not alone, there are others like you.

There's a support group for people like you.

It's called "Couch Warriors" and it meets every Thursday at 3 PM.

Just go, just go, just go...