LESSON 5: THE ART OF CRISIS MANAGEMENT
Congratulations, you're doing great! You've made it to Lesson 5 of our Crash Course in Crisis Management!
But don't get too cocky, friend! Crisis Management is a delicate dance, a balancing act between firehoses and firewalls.
Here's the thing: sometimes you just have to roll with it. Sometimes, you have to make up a new rule as you go. And sometimes, you have to just plain old make it up as you go.
But don't worry! We've got your back. Here's a list of our top 5 crisis management hacks:
- 1. Pretend you're a chicken (Trust us, it works)
- 2. Blame it on the interns (They're always the ones who break everything)
- 3. Distract, distract, distract (Just keep talking, and they'll forget what they were worried about)
- 4. Just make it up as you go (The truth is, who cares? You're not getting paid to be honest)
- 5. Call in the professionals (Just Google 'crisis management' and hope for the best)
And remember, friend: a good crisis manager is like a good therapist - all about listening, but not really listening, but more like, pretending to listen while you're actually counting down the seconds until you can get back to the office.