Coffee Enforcement Agency
Monday Mandate 3456: All Citizens Must Consume At Least 3 Caffeine Units
What is a Caffeine Unit (CU)?
1 CU is equal to 1/4 cup of brewed coffee, 1/2 cup of coffee-flavored latte prophets, or 3 shots of espresso. Do not even think about attempting to use decaf. We have ways of knowing.
Violation of this mandate results in penalties ranging from mandatory caffeine IV drips to forced labor on our Coffee Farming Colonies in the remote regions of the planet.
How to Comply:
- Visit your local coffee shop and purchase 3 CUs of your preferred beverage.
- Produce a receipt or proof of purchase within 24 hours of consumption to our Compliance Department.
- Repeat this process daily, or risk facing our wrath.