Mandate 14/12: Don't @ me, Monday

By Order of the Ministry of Mundane Affairs:

Thou shalt not check thy phone until thou hast consumed at least 3 cups of coffee.

Thou shalt not wear pajamas to work unless thou art a professional clown.

Thou shalt not use the phrase "low-key" in a sentence, lest thou be banished to the depths of the cubicle.

Failure to comply shall result in the following penalties:

First Offense: Forced listening to elevator music.
Second Offense: Mandatory attendance to a 3-hour seminar on "The Art of Not Being a Monday Morning Zombie."
Third Offense: Reassignment to the "I Told You So" department.

Don't @ me, Monday.