Because who needs heroism when you can have bureaucratic red tape?
Don't get caught in the bureaucratic trap! Read the exceptions carefully.
Step 1: Call the IT department and explain that the coffee machine is a existential crisis in the making
Step 2: Offer to trade your soul for a new machine
Step 3: Realize that the IT department is just as trapped as you are and that the machine will never be fixed
Step 1: Call the intern and explain that the Wi-Fi is a matter of national security
Step 2: Offer to babysit the intern while they try to fix the problem (just kidding, that's not a thing)
Step 3: Realize that the intern is just playing Fortnite and it's not a priority
Step 1: Politely decline and offer to help them find the solution (while secretly Googling it yourself)
Step 2: Pretend to be a expert and give a 10-minute PowerPoint presentation
Step 3: Take a 3-hour lunch to "research" the topic (i.e., play solitaire)