Monday Morning Rituals: Because Adulting is Hard

Welcome to the sacred space where the world's most committed adulting procrastinators gather to pretend it's not Monday.

Here, you'll find a series of expertly crafted morning rituals to help you face the crushing despair of adulthood.

1. Check social media for 20 minutes to ensure everyone else is failing harder than you

• Click 'Like' on 17 different posts from 2018
• Complain to spouse about how everyone's a fake online
• Take a 5-minute scroll down memory lane

2. Pretend to be interested in the news, even though it's all bad

• Read the headlines while simultaneously scrolling through memes
• Wonder why the world is so broken, yet still somehow still here
• Find solace in the apathy

3. Make a to-do list, then promptly forget it

• Write it down in a fancy planner with lots of stickers
• Get distracted by a squirrel outside the window (or a cat)
• Practice 'Sudden Onset Squirrel-Induced Productivity Paralysis'

Remember, adulting is hard, but it's also kind of fun! (Just kidding, it's not fun at all.)