MANDATE 4: THE MANDATE FOR THE AGES

By the power vested in me, I, the Supreme Mandator, hereby decree that all Monday mornings shall be spent in a state of existential dread.

Furthermore, all coffee shall be consumed at a 45 degree angle, lest ye face the wrath of the caffeine deficit.

And lo, the first day of the week shall henceforth be known as "Hump Day" for the sole purpose of making Tuesdays seem less terrible.

THERE SHALL BE NO SLEEPING IN ON MONDAYS.

Failure to comply with this mandate shall result in the most crushing sense of despair.

Hyperlinks:

• MANDATE 5: THE BUREAUCRACY OF BAGEL-RELATED TRAVAILS
• MANDATE 3: THE PROHIBITION ON ALL FORMS OF SARCASM
• MANDATE 2: THE FEDERAL REGULATION OF CAT VIDEO CONTENT