Our Methods

Our neighbourhood watch program uses a variety of unorthodox methods, including:

Surveillance by highly trained, highly caffeinated squirrels
Regularly scheduled, loud, and obnoxious megaphone announcements
Advanced statistical analysis of lawn chair patterns
A network of informants, all of whom are expertly bribed with free pizza and beer

And, of course, our patented Murk Technique, a revolutionary new approach to neighbourhood watch that combines the latest in surveillance technology with ancient, mystical arts.

For more information on the Murk Technique, click here.

Note: The "Murk Technique" is a fictional, absurd method that sounds suitably ridiculous and worthy of a parody. The link provided in the text will lead the user to another subpage, which can be a satirical or absurd take on the subject matter.