Warning: The following techniques have been deemed highly unlikely to be effective.
1. The Baffling Brush - A technique so smooth, it'll leave you feeling like you're stuck in a vortex.
2. The Fuzzy Fiasco - A method so smooth, it's been compared to a kindergartener's plaything.
3. The Smooth-o-matic 3000 - A device that's been known to smooth out anything, but also break your bank.
And don't even get us started on Technique 4: The Anti-Antismoosher 3000, a machine so smooth, it'll drive you mad.
Please, for the love of all things smooth, do not attempt any of these techniques. We're watching you.
Or, if you're really feeling bold: Bonus Technique: The Smooth-est of Them All