It is with great dismay that we have been informed of the disappearance of the office stapler. A thorough investigation has been launched, but so far, no leads have been discovered. We are left with more questions than answers: What could have caused the stapler to go missing? Was it a dastardly crime of opportunity? Or did our beloved stapler simply decide to take a well-deserved vacation?
Further investigation is needed to determine the culprit.