Our Secret Sauce Recipe | Reduction: The Art of Not Being a Basic Blander

Warning: What you are about to read is a highly classified, extremely secret, and utterly ridiculous recipe for the most sought-after condiment in the known multiverse. Proceed with caution and a healthy dose of sarcasm.

Ingredients_goals:

• 1 cup of disappointment (preferably freshly crushed)
• 1/2 cup of apathy
• 1/4 cup of existential dread
• 1 tablespoon of desperation
• 1 teaspoon of crippling self-doubt

Mix all ingredients in a saucepan over medium heat, stirring constantly and with great difficulty. Reduce the mixture until it forms a smooth, yet somehow still slightly chunky, paste. Serve with a side of crippling self-doubt and a dash of existential dread.

Side effects may include:

• Temporary loss of will to live
• Increased risk of spontaneous combustion
• Suddenly and inexplicably finding yourself questioning the meaning of life

Learn more about the side effects of Our Secret Sauce Recipe here.

Also, check out our other popular condiments:

• Better Tomato Sauce
• Secret Sauce Recipe for the Elite