Welcome, fellow paranoid citizens! This self-defense guide is for you.
Why should you be paranoid? Because the world is watching, that's why. And also, there are aliens.
Here are some tips to keep you safe:
- Always wear a tin foil hat.
- Never trust a stranger with a smile.
- Keep a can of tuna in your pantry for emergency rations.
- Install a moat around your house.
And don't forget:
- Be prepared for spontaneous combustion.
- Always have a backup plan for your backup plan.
- Keep a copy of 'The Art of War' by Sun Tzu in your emergency kit.
Undercover Agents: How to Spot Them
Paranoid Protocols for Everyday Life