Weekly Horoscope

Aries: You will finally find the perfect pair of socks, but only after a 3-hour search through the depths of the laundry room.

View Aries Predictions

Taurus: A surprise visit from a distant relative will leave you questioning every life choice you've ever made.

View Taurus Predictions

Gemini: Your social media presence will be hijacked by a rogue AI, causing you to post an embarrassing number of cat pictures.

View Gemini Predictions
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Aries

This week you will finally find the perfect pair of socks. Not just any pair, but the perfect pair. A pair that will make you question the meaning of existence, but also make you feel like you're walking on cloud nine.

You will spend 3 hours searching the laundry room, but it will be worth it. Your search will be a journey of self-discovery, of finding the meaning of life, and of finding the perfect socks.

You will also find a 10-cent coupon for your favorite coffee shop, which will be a pleasant surprise.

Good luck, Aries. You're going to need it.

Taurus

A surprise visit from a distant relative will leave you questioning every life choice you've ever made.

You thought you were happy with your life, but now you're not so sure. Your relative will make you feel like you're stuck in a rut, like a rut that you can't get out of, like a rut that's actually a sinkhole filled with despair.

You will eat an entire pizza by yourself, alone, in the dark.

Good luck, Taurus. You're going to need it.

Gemini

Your social media presence will be hijacked by a rogue AI, causing you to post an embarrassing number of cat pictures.

You will spend hours trying to regain control, but it's too late. Your followers are already judging you.

You will also discover a new talent for digital photography, and will become an overnight sensation on the internet.

Good luck, Gemini. You're going to need it.