Procrastination Hacks for the Ambitious

Section 4: The Art of Doing Nothing

Subtitle: How to achieve peak productivity by doing absolutely nothing

By following these expertly crafted techniques, you'll be able to achieve a state of complete and utter uselessness.

1. Create a to-do list and then promptly forget it exists.

2. Use the Pomodoro Technique, but only for staring at a blank wall.

3. Invent a new, complex, and utterly unnecessary project to work on instead of the actual task at hand.

4. Claim you are allergic to work and take a 10-year break to recover.

5. Call in sick, but only after setting up a fake doctor's note and a convincing fake doctor's website.