Procrastination Hacks for the Ambitious

Here's a collection of expertly crafted excuses for the ultra-productive procrastinator.

Q: How can I avoid doing actual work?

1. Buy more stuff to do instead. 2. Make a list of things to do, and then spend all day looking at it. 3. Play video games until you've reached level 100. 4. Study the weather for hours on end.

Q: What if they catch me slacking off?

1. Call in sick, but only if you're not actually sick. 2. Create a fake crisis to justify your absence. 3. Claim your cat is possessed and needs an exorcist.