It's the art of pretending to have a legitimate reason for being a sloth. A delicate balance of 'I'm not feeling well' and 'can't possibly do that today'. A finely tuned performance that requires years of practice to master.
Here's a step-by-step guide to becoming a master pretender:
- Step 1: Develop a plausible reason for your lack of motivation. Something like 'I'm feeling a little under the weather' or 'my allergies are killing me'. Be sure to research your condition beforehand so you're prepared to answer any follow-up questions.
- Step 2: Practice your 'sick face' in the mirror. You want to look as pitiful as possible.
- Step 3: Make sure to mention your condition as soon as possible. The earlier, the better. This will give you an air of authenticity and make your employer more likely to believe you.
- Step 4: Be prepared to provide evidence of your illness. A doctor's note, a thermometer reading, or a 'sick' selfie will all help to solidify your claim.
- Step 5: Be prepared to take it to the next level. If you're feeling a little too well, don't be afraid to 'upstage' yourself with a 'sudden' relapse. This will keep your employer guessing and make your performance all the more convincing.
Remember, the key to mastering this technique is to stay consistent and never, ever, get caught.
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