Emergency Procedures for Phase 6

Section 1: Panic and Despair

When faced with the inevitable collapse of society, remain calm and composed. Repeat the mantra: "Phase 6 is just a phase."

• Step 1: Call the Phase 6 Hotline at 1-800-PANIC-6
• Step 2: Locate nearest safe house and await further instructions
• Step 3: Engage in frantic browsing of cat videos to distract from impending doom

Section 2: Evacuation Procedures

When instructed to evacuate, proceed immediately to the designated safe zone.

• Take only essentials: water, non-perishable snacks, and a reliable source of entertainment (e.g. portable console, deck of cards)
• Leave all non-essential items behind, including but not limited to: dignity, self-respect, and sense of humor