Emergency Procedures for Phase 6
Section 1: Panic and Despair
When faced with the inevitable collapse of society, remain calm and composed. Repeat the mantra: "Phase 6 is just a phase."
- Step 1: Call the Phase 6 Hotline at 1-800-PANIC-6
- Step 2: Locate nearest safe house and await further instructions
- Step 3: Engage in frantic browsing of cat videos to distract from impending doom
Section 2: Evacuation Procedures
When instructed to evacuate, proceed immediately to the designated safe zone.
- Take only essentials: water, non-perishable snacks, and a reliable source of entertainment (e.g. portable console, deck of cards)
- Leave all non-essential items behind, including but not limited to: dignity, self-respect, and sense of humor
Safe House Map
Evacuation Checklist