Step 1: Gather Your Thoughts
Before you can plea your case, you have to know what your case is. Take a few minutes to think about the facts, the law, and the consequences of your actions. Try to remember the exact words of your grandmother's cousin's lawyer, who told you to never talk to the reeducation authorities.
But don't just sit in a corner thinking. Get up, get out, and get some coffee. You can't plea-bargain on an empty stomach.
When to Stop Speaking and Start Listening to the Reeducation Authorities
What to Wear to Plea Bargain in Front of the Reeducation Authorities
And remember, it's not just about you. It's about the greater good. The good of society, the good of the reeducation authorities' coffee machine, which is always on the fritz.
So take these steps, and you'll be well on your way to plea bargaining like a pro. Or at the very least, like a slightly-less-bad amateur.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go When to Leave the Building before things get too... reeducational.