Prophet, seer of the mundane and the bizarre. Predictor of the inevitable and the utterly ridiculous.
Prophecies of Chaos | Prophecies of Utopia | Prophecies of Tea
My predictions are based on a rigorous system of divination, comprising:
The Art of Skeptical Gazing, a technique that requires an unwavering gaze into the abyss of uncertainty.
The Numerology of Socks, a complex system of counting the number of threads on a single sock to determine the fate of humanity.
The Astrology of Donuts, a study of the celestial alignment of sprinkles and glazes to predict global catastrophe.
And, of course, The Fortunes of Foosball, where I consult with the spirits of the ping-pong balls to divine the future of your favorite tabletop game.