Welcome, mortal, to the Prophets of Doom's Mullettastic Fortune Teller! Our seer of doom has gazed into the depths of the abyss and seen your future. Or, at the very least, a moderately accurate prediction.
"You shall find your lost socks. Or, at the very least, you shall be mildly entertained by a faint recollection of where you placed them. The spirits of the cosmos are aligned in your favor, but only just barely."
— The Prophets of Doom