Welcome, mortals, to the prophetic visions of Jane Doe, Seer of the Unlikely, Bringer of Unreliable Truths, and Patron Saint of the Inexplicable.
I foresee a future of utter chaos and bewilderment. Your cat will plot against you. The toaster will judge you harshly. And the avocado will never ripen.
Click here for more absurd predictions: Forecasts
Or, if you're feeling adventurous, click here for: Prophecies of Doom