We're currently experiencing a CRITICAL Threat Level Alpha situation in the office. Please report to the Situation Room for further instructions.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, our coffee machine has been compromised by a rogue agent from the Ministry of Doom. All attempts to brew coffee have been met with a hail of gunfire and/or explosions.
As a result, our team has been forced to resort to tea and symptoms in order to maintain productivity.
Stay vigilant, Prophets. The fate of the world may depend on it.
Or, at the very least, your TPS reports.