Wise and just, yet also utterly confused, Prophetess Emily has been interpreting the will of the gods for centuries.
She gazes into her mystical crystal ball, a kaleidoscope of swirling colors reflecting the divine plan for humanity. Or perhaps not.
Her prophecies are often cryptic, sometimes contradictory, and occasionally just plain ridiculous.
But don't just take our word for it! Visit her latest readings:
The Meaning of Life: A 3-Day Sale on Tacos
The Coming of the Great Cheese Famine
The Return of the Giant Chicken
Or check out her most popular reads:
Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, try her infamous:
I have seen the Future, and it's a Mess