Solutions 2: The Unorthodox Ones

For those who want to think outside the box, or in this case, the prophetic sphere.

1. Use an Ouija Board as a Focus Group - Gather 5 friends, 1 board, and a healthy dose of skepticism. Ask the questions, but be prepared for answers that range from "The answer is in the cheese" to "The chicken has the answers, man".

2. Conduct an Experiment with 17 Cats - 17 cats are the key to unlocking the secrets of the cosmos. Just make sure to wear gloves.

3. Consult a Time-Traveling Chef - Who needs a PhD when you can have a culinary expert from 2050? Just be prepared for a side of existential dread with your meal.

And that's all for now, folks. Remember, the answers are out there, and we're all just trying to find them in a world that's increasingly absurd.