Help Us, We're Dying!
Do you have an aura that's just not cooperating? Do you feel like you're surrounded by a swirling vortex of negative energy? Call us, and we'll send someone with a better aura to help you out.
But wait, there's more! Our aura experts are also available for hire to just generally improve your aura. Because who needs actual help when you can just pay someone to be nice to you?
Side effects may include: increased feelings of well-being, spontaneous smiling, and an intense desire to listen to elevator music.