The Sky is Falling
According to our completely-not-made-up sources, the sky is indeed falling. Like, literally. We're not kidding, it's a thing. You see, there's this one guy, Bob, who's a sky expert (it's a real thing, don't question it). Bob's been tracking the sky's descent for years, and let me tell you, it's a real concern.
Bob's latest report indicates that the sky is now approximately 300 feet above ground level. That's right, folks, you've got about 300 feet of breathable air between you and certain doom.
But wait, there's more! Bob's also discovered that the sky's falling rate of descent is accelerating. We're talking exponential, folks. It's like that one cousin at the family reunion who just won't stop talking.
So, what's the plan? Well, we recommend you invest in some good quality parachute fabric. Trust us, it's a wise decision. You can never be too prepared for the impending doom that is the falling sky.
Read Bob's latest Sky Report for more information.