Minimum Credit Score Hell

Where the only credit prophets you care about are the ones who want to take your money.

Current Status: 300+ Points Below Average

You're doing great! Your financial decisions are so on point, they're making the credit score gods weep with envy.

Reasons for your low score:

• Late payments? No, those are just 'expressions of love'.
• Your credit cards are just 'investments'.
• You're a master of debt consolidation!
• Maybe just a little 'credit score surgery' would help.

Subscriptions:

Get instant access to our exclusive 'I'm-a-credit-score-disaster' subscription service for only $99.99/month! You'll get:

• Bi-weekly emails telling you how bad you're doing
• Monthly phone calls from your creditors
• A personalized 'Credit Score Survival Kit' with a complimentary bottle of champagne (just kidding, it's just a coupon for ramen)

Sign up today and receive a FREE 'I'd rather not pay my bills' t-shirt!