You've Lost Your Job: Now What?
Step 1: Panic (But Not Too Much)
Take a deep breath, and try not to hyperventilate. Repeat after me: "I will not, I will not, I will not..."
But seriously, here are some actual suggestions:
- Update your LinkedIn profile, but only to make yourself look more employable.
- Start a hobby, like extreme knitting or competitive eating.
- Practice your 'I'm a victim of circumstance' face in the mirror.
Step 2: Rebuild Your Self-Esteem (or at Least Make Yourself Look Good)
You know what they say: 'You can't put a price on self-esteem, but you can put a price on a decent haircut.'
Get a new haircut, or better yet, a new identity!
Consider taking a class in 'Recession-Friendly' self-esteem boosting, or join a book club for people who have lost their jobs and their minds.
Step 3: Rebuild Your Resume (But Not Too Much)
Don't overdo it, but just enough to make yourself look employable again. Like that time you accidentally deleted your old resume in a fit of rage.
Here are some tips:
- Use Comic Sans. It's like, really popular.
- Include a 'Skills' section with only the most basic of skills. 'Basic math,' ' basic reading,' and 'basic human decency'.
- Make sure to include a picture of your cat. Or a nice landscape.
Step 4: Rebuild Your Life (But Not Too Much)
It's time to move on, but not too fast. Like that one time you accidentally sold your house for 50 bucks.
Here are some actual suggestions:
- Take up extreme ironing as a hobby, but only if you can afford the equipment.
- Consider joining a 'Recession-Friendly' support group, but only if you can afford the membership fees.
- Update your skills, like learning to make actual human contact, or basic first aid.